The Lego Movie

I recently attended a showing of The Lego Movie.

Go.

That is all I can say.

It took me back 15 years to a much simpler time in my life.  I felt an immediate connection with the world, the characters and the plot.  It is evident that everyone involved in this movie was just in it to have a good time.

I'm not going to go into the plot, honestly the less said the better.  I was entertained by the voice acting (Morgan Freeman and Liam Neeson don't steal the show, but are funny none the less) and was deeply involved with the little plastic people.

I can also say that if you never had Lego creations as a child you won't get this movie.  It moves along at the speed that an imaginative child's mind bounces from one idea to another, bouncing all over the place but somehow making sense.

I can't say enough good things about this movie.

Go see it, your inner child 15 years ago would love it.

3 Stages of a Relationship Expressed Through Bathroom Manners

All loving relationships go through 3 stages.  There are only these three stages, no more and no less.

The first stage is one I call,

"The Diplomatic Falsehood."

During this stage when either one of the loving couple feels the sudden urge to use the toilet, they will avoid the issue entirely with a quaint "I'll be right back," or an "Excuse me for just a minute."  They will then take the long way to the toilet, maybe dropping by the kitchen first under the pretense of grabbing some Doritos before returning to watching The Notebook.  ("Watching The Notebook" is my favored euphemism for sex by the way.)  Once they are within the bathroom, there will be the most hurried and quietest shit in the history of mankind.  Prior to mounting the throne the faucet, and maybe even the shower will be turned on.  The individual will strain and push, praying to God above that there are no overly fecal noises to alert their significant other, that their asshole is indeed home to the greatest foulness to enter the world of man.

The second stage I refer to as,

"Allied Powers"

During this stage of the relationship, it is virtually identical to the first, except instead of the pretense of "Excuse me" the individual now uses the phrase "I have to got to the bathroom" or "I need to use the restroom."  Other than that there is no change.

The Third and Final Stage I call,

"Border Clashes"

Usually by this point the relationship is in decline, while not ending, it is obvious that in the near future is a major fight.  Instead of giving any pretense of any kind of activity other than the evacuation of their bowels, the individual will say something like: "Gotta take a shit."  Or something even more crass like "Taking the fudge pug to the porcelain dogpark."  They then go to the restroom and make their bowel movement as loud as they possibly can.  If there is a particularly rancid smell they might even close the door after flushing to leave a UN WMD violation waiting for their partner when they next need to use the latrine.

I hope this has been informative.